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Indestructible Machine

by Lydia Loveless

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1.
well if i said i'm sorry you should know i'm really not i don't need to apologize for giving all i've got and i know i should probably leave but i cannot let you go you know you've always made me so weak. so turn my heart to paper but seal it with a kiss so you can write me a love letter in the gravel with your piss i will read it with an open mind but everything you do turns me on i cannot lie oh no what a bad way to go for you to love me but never let me know your lover's pretty tasty but she's really got no taste the way she talks to you has got me pricking back my ears and now you seem like such a pussy babe cos i can't take you home with me and put you back in your place what a bad way to go for you to love me but never let me know what a bad way to go.
2.
well i had a lot to say last night i'm sorry did i say that to you i talk so much shit i forget who i'm talking to cos my mouth is like a sinking boat i keep pouring words out trying to keep afloat but the more i try to dry out the more i get soaked then i say "i'm not as bad as i seem" but i used to be better can't you see you of all people should know that this ain't really me and that's gonna change how you feel about me baby but it won't change me somebody found me on the floor i must have been passed out from the two nights before if you don't send my ragged ass to bed i'll quote God again so don't tell me hell ain't there i feel it every morning when i climb the stairs why can't i sleep all night a drink should get me right you didn't mean to be mean but everything sounds more meaningful when you scream well if you really wanna raise your voice to me it's gonna change how i feel about you buddy but it won't change me then you can write me off as just white trash well it don't take much to see that when i swear the every hangover's gonna be my last it looks like only whiskey can kick my ass and make me still come back so Jesus guide me with your light you can enlighten me men with everlasting insight but i've had thoughts about you that are gonna keep you up tonight and being good is killing me inside i don't wanna go to bed with you tonight it's gonna change who i am and that ain't right then i'll say "it's not all that bad" if i can't change who i am why do i try so goddamn hard i just keep telling myself "man, it ain't eternity" and that's gonna change how you feel about me Jesus but it won't change me...
3.
Well I hear that there's a party tonight And I probably won't go but thanks for the invite I’d rather stay home and drink gallons of wine Well that must be why nobody stops by And why I get so angry when I go out Why you think I think too much and I should just calm down You can't take me anywhere so you hide me out Then you ask why I think you never loved me now And why can't I be more like them The kinda people who go out of their way to make new friends Cause I don't give a good god damn about you and I'm making amends Honey why can't I be more like them Solo You don't believe me when I say I wanna be alone. You think there's someone here when I don't pick up the phone And now you can't believe I won't talk when you're around Well, you get used to it's gonna be a hell of a ride tho. And why can't I be more like them The kind of people that get sad when relationships end Well honey I don't want you now, but it's not about him Oh honey why can't I be more like them why can't I be more like them Solo They get away with shit that I never will You think that I do these things to them just to be cruel cos it's always got to be about wanting another man but she just needed some space why can't I be like that and you just needed to get laid why can't I be like that cos I gave you everything I had all my cheap(est) beer and cigarettes now you want your money back well I’m sorry baby, but I still don't have it but why can't I be more like them the kind of people who still manage to get upset if you think I’m so fucking emotionally dense it's ‘cause I am but why can't you be more like that.... why can't I be more like them?
4.
How many women does a man need? How many does it take to make him happy? How many hearts will he break? How much time will he waste? How many women does a man need? When a man's in love it's said he'll do all he can And if he don't he must not be a man Cos it takes love to work it out and it takes love to not walk out But every man seems to walk out on his woman. But you're young yet, still got some heartbreaks in you But you keep making plans to grow old with her It takes time to clear your mind and it takes time to waste more time How much time does anybody have on hand? And how many women does a man need... You've had your wild years but you need more Before you come to me and lock the door All those lovers left you cold but there's more stories to be told Well there ain't no story that a woman's arms can hold How many women does a man need...?
5.
Some days you wake up, life feels meaningless You don't even have the strength to get up and get dressed And then when you do you see your clothes are all torn to shreds You can't even afford to buy a needle and thread So you might go to church, to bow your head and pray But that ain't always enough to get you through the day Sometimes you feel bitter and think "this priest is a mooch" You might just take all of your tithes for a bottle of hooch And if people knew, they would look down on you Don't they know that it's true; Jesus was a wino, too Cos people may ask, "Why have your lips turned black? What the hell is so funny man, why have your eyes gone all slack?" They're gonna feel high and mighty when I can barely stand I just tell them I couldn't turn down one more glass of the blood of the lamb Cos if people knew they would call me a fool I wish they knew it was true; Jesus was a wino, too And this here six dollar bottle is just about all that I can afford And if I can't find a corkscrew I'll just smash it open right here on the floor And you might call me crazy for lapping this off the ground But a few years ago I could be drinking with Jesus right now They might not have had Carlo Rossi way back in his day Jesus had only water but He turned it to wine, anyway And nobody asked "WWJD?" Cos everybody knew Jesus was a wino too.
6.
Steve Earle 04:28
he read an article that said I like to do cocaine now he comes to all my shows and says if I want some he'll pay he won't stop calling and I’m not sure how to blow him off he stands outside my window until I have to call the cops but they always let him out of jail cos he's a famous face that's a funny way of asking me to go out on a date, steve Earle won't stop calling me steve Earle he says he isn't hitting on me; he just wants to write some songs I keep asking "steve would you please introduce me to your son? cos you read an article that said I like to drink a lot" now he's buying all my drinks and I can't seem to get off the sauce cos he corners me at every show and asks to be in my band and if I need a great guitarist he's got just the man he says I should fire everyone and we can play duets he says just come on over, but I guess I haven't yet to steve Earle’s he just wants to talk to me steve Earle should this bother me steve he says the greatest country singers always start out just like this and I better call him back if I’m getting his messages so the next time that I see him when I get off the stage I’m gonna tell him I’ve got another show tonight in some place far away and that oughtta hold him off from me at least a little bit I’m not sure what to do cos I’m so damn intimidated by steve Earle just wants to talk to me steve Earle should that bother me steve Earle well how'd you even get my number steve Earle?
7.
I turned everything off just to turn it back on thought I wanted quiet but I’m usually wrong the sound my mind makes is a terrible song Till somebody’s down and I do nothing at all so I’ll have to get out of this house before long but like an animal I cannot seem to leave my house without shitting myself instantly can't go nowhere without bein three sheets guess I’ll always be this goddamn unhappy or someday I’ll learn what it's like to say no or someday I’ll learn what it's like to say no well I just ain't ready for what it feels like to say no I know I’ve done nothing to earn your respect I know better than your "friend" just how much of a mess I can make out of this Honey, I still really don’t care what she says Cause to say I’m dissatisfied would somehow imply that I was deserving of a better life I’ve already given up on trying to deny someone's wandering eye but someday I’ll learn what it's like to say no And I still won’t love what it's like to say no Cause you ain’t never had to learn how to just say no sometimes I think I should just go for a walk but them somehow I do nothing at all Why does it take so much out of me to be this weak? Convince myself someone’s looking over my shoulder Telling me "this is the life that you chose" Why does it take so much work to keep you company that's why I treat my body like an indestructible machine then I’ll raise a toast to the people who think that it's just as easy as turning down a couple drinks to the ones who still think walking's a cinch Cause they don't know how hard it is Because they don't know what it's like to say no Man they don't know what it's like to say no and they won’t ever have to learn how to say no now I’m gonna learn what it's like to say no little girl learn what it's like to say no well I don’t really care much for what it’s like to say no
8.
Do Right 03:51
my mama says hard living is catching up to me and I’m afraid to look in the mirror cos I know I’ll see what she means is that really me? I guess that's what I get for drinking all that gasoline... cos my daddy was a preacher but he was a junkie, too I grew up on whiskey and God so I’m a little bit confused what did I do? I didn't know it was so easy to let this world get its hooks into you and this world has dragged me everywhere but I still am living in this town where the people drive me out of my mind and I can't calm down so if you want me to behave you're gonna have to tell me twice cos I’ve been trying but I can't find a reason to do right well you say you want a nice girl who won't hang around in dives but when I’m sweet to you you look at me like I have lost my mind that's why I always find myself looking for so many ways to make perfectly good men cry so someone better try a little harder to make me treat him like a man tonight cos I don't feel like a woman you must not be doing it right and if you want me to start screaming I guess you'd have to do it twice cos I can't find a reason to do you right I tried so hard to be good how did I get this low down I didn't know it was possible to stay up that long but I guess I do know so we're not going anywhere but honey you should get your keys out no we're not leaving this house, just shut your eyes and open up your mouth. cos I’ve got a conscience that's a mile fucking wide but it seems to disappear every time I stay up all night that's why I always find myself hanging out at 1896 north high so don't ask me what I’m doing hanging out in a place like this it takes people like me to keep bars like this in business and if you want me to go home I guess you'd have to ask me twice cos I can't find a reason to do right
9.
Crazy 05:52
Well I hope this moment will never be over Because I just don't know how I'm gonna face being sober Cause that's when I know I'm gonna have to regret All of the disgusting things that I know I said Because I've got a dirty mind and I've got to get it off my chest So I know I'm not making the best of impressions That was a lie when I said I didn't know how I was dressing And I guess love does that to us all Well it's gonna beat my ass so I don't ever have to fold but right now I only hope that your love Is gonna push me up against the wall But I'm gonna try so hard not to look like a drunken fool But by the time I get the nerve up, you'll think that it's just the booze And I know you're down and out; I must be too if I am here with you But I knew that I was Crazy alone; now I'm just Crazy for you Uh huh Well I want to get with you and I am sure that we're gonna try Well the next time I'm drinking that cheap, stale, red wine Yeah that's when I know I'm gonna do it again I'd take a vow of silence, but then The next time I see you alone I probably won't be holding anything in. But I'm gonnna try so hard not to look like a drunken fool But by the time I get the nerve up, you'll think that it's just the booze And I know you're down and out; I must be too if I am here with you But I knew that I was Crazy alone; now I'm just Crazy for you So, be ready Cause I know you're scared of me now Honey wait till I get out Be ready Cause I want you Yes I do So I hope this moment will never be over Cause honey I know that you won't like to think about it later when you're sober But I just cannot get you out of my head Sonny, you should be like a dog at the foot of my bed And you will never feel lonely again, you heard what I said But I'm gonna try so hard not to look like a drunken fool But we've been drinking together too long, so what should I do? Now I know you're down and out, I must be out of my head to love you But I do, and I knew that I was Crazy alone; now I'm just Crazy for you So get ready Cause I know you're scared of me Maybe you should be baby Cause I'm Crazy I'm Crazy

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released September 13, 2011

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Lydia Loveless Columbus, Ohio

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